Spider-Man Adaptation Battle Royale
Description Which Spider-Man do you think will win? 60s Supaidāman 90s/Unlimited Tobey Maguire MTV Spectacular Ultimate Andrew Garfield Tom Holland Which Spider-Man do you want to win? 60s Supaidāman 90s/Unlimited Tobey Maguire MTV Spectacular Ultimate Andrew Garfield Tom Holland Interlude Wiz: Spider-Man. Such an iconic hero who has shown us power can only be harnessed properly by the responsibility to use it. Along the way, many adaptations have come along the way to share this lesson. Boomstick: And just like what my next door neighbour did with his children, we're going to pit 9 of them against each other to see who truly holds the "Great Power". Wiz: But we won't be taking the many Spideys from the SpiderVerse. Instead, we'll be focusing on those from cartoon and live action adaptations of Spider-Man. Boomstick: The odd and campy 60s series. Wiz: The Japanese Supaidāman. Boomstick: The 90s and Unlimited series (same continuity). Wiz: Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man. Boomstick: The MTV series. Wiz: The Spectacular Spider-Man. Boomstick: The Ultimate Spider-Man. Wiz: Andrew Garfield's Amazing Spider-Man. Boomstick: And finally the Tom Holland and the MCU's Spider-Man. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick Wiz: And its our job to analyze their weapons, armour, and skills to find our who would win a DEATH BATTLE. 60s https://youtu.be/yCF8JU30gXI?t=1328 Boomstick: By the way, a lot of Spider-Men have this story so lets just get this over with. Wiz: Peter Parker was just your average bookworm. An intellectual man of science like yours truly- Boomstick: NERRRRRD! Geez, get a room you two. Wiz: *Groans* Anyways, during a presentation on Radioactivity, a spider accidentally became radioactive during the showing. Then the fateful moment came when it bit Peter. Boomstick: Now at first he felt pretty weird, but I think he came to like it when punches from normal humans did jack shit. Peter is punched by a man. Peter: I...hardly felt it! Boomstick: And then he accidentally knocked down a steel street light with one punch! Wiz: Realizing he had gained powers from the spider, ranging from the agility to jump to the height of skyscrapers to the ability to crawl up walls, Peter saw this as an opportunity to get into show biz. He then created Webshooters to go along with his new persona: Spider-Man. Boomstick: So gaining money for him, his Aunt, and his Uncle seemed like a good idea and it honestly would've been. Too bad he was an asshole and let some thief get away because he was "Tired of being pushed around". He would come to regret that when he chased that same thief who killed his Uncle Ben. Wiz: The same thief he could have stopped earlier. And this is where he now knew that with great power, there must also come great responsibility. https://youtu.be/yCF8JU30gXI?t=5 Boomstick: So, in case you don't know, Spider-Man commonly possesses enhanced strength, speed, durability, and healing. Wiz: Then there are his two most iconic powers, wall crawling and the Spider Sense, which alerts him of danger. This Spider-Man's Sense are actually capable of picking up "special signals" even from the open sea. While the villain's location where the distress call was sent from was said to be one of thousands islands, the very least we can assume, based off Spider-Man standing in New York City is that his Spider Sense reaches out 1,343 miles away, seeing as how Cuba is the closest island to the City. Though, this is just through special devices. Boomstick: So putting aside him rejecting chances to get laid, have a social life, and HAVE FUN, 60's is no slouch when it comes to his staple weapon: the Webshooters. Wiz: 60's Webs come in many verities. His webs seemingly without effort can form into slingshots, bats, gloves, the list seems endless. Boomstick: Yeah thats cool and all, but how well do they work? Wiz: Well, when he made a catapult out of webs, he was able to send back a wrecking ball flying towards him. Wrecking balls tend to weigh from 1000 to 12,000 pounds and with Spidey's catapult, it was sent back with ease. Boomstick: Damn! Thats almost as cool as his tempered webbing, which is stronger than steel and can work like a sword! You heard me right. This man just decided "What if I get in a sword fight with a fishbowl guy and two goons? Better make some strong ass webbing!". Or if he wants to catch some waves he can just web up a boat and a goddamned propellor. Wiz: Throughout his superhero duties, he's created stronger webbings. Strong enough to halt armoured trucks, keep down the Scorpion, and even block an attack from a charging Rhino. The same Rhino who could stop a train or bring down a building with his horn without being harmed. He's even created webbing that was completely immune to Electro's lightning, Green Goblin's bombs, and Vulture's missiles. Boomstick: "Does what a spider can" huh? Thats not a fucking understatement or anything. Wiz: Oh it doesn't end there. When fighting Dr. Magento, who I should add has no relation to the X-Men's villain, Spidey developed a webbing that could destroy the Doctor's gun, which was capable of controlling metal, paper, cloth, wood, and even organic matter such as Spider-Man himself. He called this "Anti-Magnetic Webbing". Boomstick: Oh come on! Did he also make a webbing that'll make him win this fight?! Wiz: No, but he did break through another Spider-Man's webbing before. Boomstick: Wait, what? Wiz: As 60s later discovered, far from New York, there was a civilization of spider powered people who crashed onto Earth and have waited for a rescue. Boomstick: Please tell me it doesn't get weirder than this. Wiz: It does. Like the time an evil scientist led Spider-Man out of New York so he could use a machine to lift the entire city and mind control everyone inside. Or there was the time a giant snowman keep growing by consuming electricity- Boomstick: Never mind! Can we just get back to the feats? Wiz: Right. Along with his increased attributes, his "Spider Hearing" allows him to understand speech that regular humans have trouble with. His web shooters are capable of projecting light, he has projector he took from Mysterio that can display the illusion of a ghost ship, Spider Tracers that are used for tracking down whatever they are placed onto, a mask that allows him to safely breath in oil, surprisingly enough a small plane, and instant heat. Boomstick: Instant heat? Wiz: Yes. A tool that allows him to solidfy material such as clay in mere seconds. Boomstick: Why the hell would anyone carry that shit around? He didn't seem to use it the TWO TIMES THE CITY WAS BEING ATTACKED BY BEINGS MADE OF SNOW AND ICE! Or the time he was stuck in a freezer at temperatures of absolute zero for 24 fucking hours! Wiz: Cut them some slack, Boomstick. It was the 60s. Continuity wasn't a huge concern. Boomstick: Bullshit was apparently. Wiz: Moving onto his suit, 60s has given his suit silicon coating to be immune to oil based attacks and for when venturing into colder regions, he built a heating device that fits under his costume. Boomstick: Wow, sounds useful for-''' Wiz: Boomstick, I swear to God! '''Boomstick: Alright alright I'll stop! Wiz: *Groans once more* 60s has a mind strong enough to resist mind control that took over all of Manhattan, and we know this since the mind control was stated to not work on the strong minded. Even when the same villain who used a stronger mind controlling method, Peter resisted. His intellect has been shown to be great throughout the series. Whether it be his previously mentioned web creation or the ways he outsmarts foes. Boomstick: And he's fast enough to dodge close range lightning bolts from Electro. Now that may seem impressive now, but considering Electro is an occuring Spider-Man villain you might see this feat more often. Wiz: But seeing as how studies have shown that the average lightning speed is Mach 1294, this quite the feat. He was even capable of dodging lightning with his Spider Senses knocked out, but we'll get back to that later. He was even capable of avoiding bolts from Bolton, which could travel from the Earth to the Moon in 11.30 seconds. As for swinging, 60s has swung from West 14th Street to 13th in 2.33 seconds. Boomstick: Oh come on Wiz! How could that be true? Wiz: Well, there is some evidence that holds this speed. First, we need to know this speed. Given the information the police in the show give us about where Spider-Man appears, this clocks up to Mach 2.25: Supersonic speeds. Keep this in mind while we look at another episode. While chasing on of the Fly brothers and returning to the home the theif almost robbed, to find the place robbed. Spider-Man then says that even if the Fly had supersonic speeds, he couldn't have made it back. This further supports that 60s could at best swing at supersonic speeds. https://youtu.be/yCF8JU30gXI?t=1136 Boomstick: Despite being the victim of terrible memes, 60s is no joke. He can lift an I beam with one hand, shake off blows that can destroy walls with ease, and tank explosions large enough to destroy buildings. Wiz: And he even defeated a foe capable of destroying a galaxy...by closing his eyes. Didn't expect that did you? Boomstick: Yeah, apparently closing your eyes was the key to beating that enemy so literally any human who wants to take a nap could beat them. But 60s is far from invincible. This may sound weird, but it appears as if he's weaker to blunt force compared to any other forms of harm. Wiz: And though he was able to dodge one lightning bolt with his Spider Sense knocked out and his powers weakened, he was helpless after that. Hell, his Spider Senses were knocked out by concusion grenades, however they could have been tailored to Spider Senses as the other drugs that weakened him in this episode were. Boomstick: But do you remember that gas mask from earlier? Well, he should wear that more often because gases are his worst enemy in this series. Wiz: But you can assure that wherever there's a hang up, you'll find the Spider-Man. 60s: Robbers, killers, beware! Spider-Man is here! Supaidāman 90s/Unlimited Tobey Maguire https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dt8maD3FXE Wiz: Now we move onto the Spider-Man that first made it onto the big screen. Boomstick: And the one that screamed the most. Shows compilations of Tobey Maguire screaming throughout the Spider-Man Triliogy, but it is suddenly paused and the music is resumed. Boomstick: Hey! Wiz: This Spider-Man went through a lot in his first movie. He fought the terrible foe known as the Green Goblin who killed many and threatened the ones Peter loved. And he ended up being revealed as the father- Boomstick: Star Wars? Wiz: -figure to Peter and the real father of his best friend, Harry. This man was Norman Osborn. Peter: You killed those people in that balchony. Norman: The Goblin killed. I had nothing to do with it! Boomstick: Sure, Norman. Sure. Them I'm sure you won't try to hurt anybody again? Norman: Godspeed, Spider-Man. Spider-Man is seen detecting it with his Spider Sense and dodging it, leading it to kill Goblin himself. Boomstick: Ouch! Thats gonna leave a mark. Mainly in Harry's relationship with Peter once he figured out he was Spider-Man. But for him to dodge that, he must have had a good Spider Sense. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkz92I2ymS0&list=PLB4EBAAFE52DB0585&index=39 Wiz: Indeed. Maguire's Spider Sense can sense even the littlest of things around his enviornment at a near hold and can even sense danger miles away. Unlike other Spider-Men, Tobey Maguire earned organic webbing. This means he can supply himself with unlimited webbing rather than have the worries of mechanical ones. Boomstick: Thats...kinda gross when you think about it. He just has these two weird ass holes on his wrists that shot out webbing. Wiz: Well, real Spiders spin webs from their thorax, so Tobey has it easy at the end of the day. Maguire can shoot strings of webs or web balls projectiles that are capable of harming and stunning his foes. Boomstick: You know what else is weird? How when we see the scene that tells us Tobey's powers, enchanced speed is on their twice. Wiz: And for some reason precognition and the Spider Sense aren't the same then...which might really just be a typo. Boomstick: Speaking of speed, Maguire can avoid bullet fire from criminals. Of course, as a gun expert, I've analyzed every gun the robbers used in this chase scene. The fastest bullet speed I found was mach 1.16. Wiz: He doesn't just react fast. According to the novelization of Spider-Man 2, Tobey attacked at Otto Octavius so fast, that Octavius claimed to have not seen it, stating that one moment he was on the roof and at the next moment, Spider-Man plowed him like a freight train. Boomstick: Yeah, I'm sure Ock enjoyed being "plowed" by Spider-Man. Wiz: Why would he enjoy that? He's-...Please stop. Boomstick: I'll be here all week! Wiz: Now, despite some displays of feats in the films, Octavius in Spider-Man 2 is just an average human. Spider-Man went faster than what he could preceive, therefore giving this incarnation of Spider-Man FTE combat and travel speed. Boomstick: Here's another weird thing. Where did this guy make his suit? I mean, the suit has minor resistance against spinning razors! Wiz: Maguire isn't a stranger to pain. He's been sent through walls, had objects smashed into him, and even recovered from being hit by a train like nothing happened. Boomstick: But what about when he took that grenade to the face?! Didn't that thing vapourize people?! https://youtu.be/z1dj-RUp2xA?list=PL957169DFCD629472&t=170 Wiz: Incorrect, actually. Yes, there was indeed a bomb that did vapourize its victims, but the one that Spider-Man was hit by here was not that same one. This is made clear because when the disintegration bomb was used, it never destroyed the other surroundings as the regular bombs did. Besides, this isn't even his most impressive durability feat. Boomstick: Wait, really? Wiz: That reward would go to the giant Sandman that beat down on Spider-Man in the 3rd movie. Sebastian pereira90 calculated that Sandman's blows in this scene add up to 0.0319 tons of TNT. Boomstick: And if I recall correctly as I always do... Wiz: Wait, what? You needed me to clarify the durability feats just now- Boomstick: THEN I WOULD KNOW with the help of his friend Harry, we kicked Venom through metal plating and launched him into a steel beam so hard it bent. Wiz: We've seen this Spider-Man pull off many web swings, so to assume he could perform this feat without the help of Harry is extremely fair. Boomstick: Too bad this nerd once had his identity revealed to a bunch of people when stopping a train. Wiz: Boomstick...that saved them. And this feat is no joke. Going by the number of train cars, which for the record were 2200-series cars, and that there are 20 passengers in each car, each of them being 67.5 kg, Maguire with the help of his webs and pure muscle stopped 151.126 tons. Adding in the speed of the train, the time it took to stop, and so on, Tobey was most likely tanking 210,134.3 newtons. Boomstick: Wait, you think with enough of those webs I could do that?! Wiz: No, Boomstick! You're not strong enough to do that. Boomstick: Can't be that hard! All I'd need is for that huge spider in your lab to bite me and then I'd be and I'd basically be just as strong. Boomstick's footsteps trail off Wiz: ...He's...not coming back with spider powers...specifically a huge migraine and deadly poisoning. "Oh well". Tobey Maguire is a real tank of a Spider-Man, but he's actually somewhat lacking in intellect compared to other Spider-Men. Don't get the wrong idea. Otta Octavius pointed out that he's gifted, but Sam Raimi did also design this character with organic webbing becuase he didn't find it believable that a teenager would be able to build such gear like the Webshooters. And while this weakness won't be appearing in the fight, there was once a time where he just, randomly became depowered and got them back via wanting to be Spider-Man...or at least the movie implies that. But if anyone can make the "Hero's Choice", it would be Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man. Peter is seen walking away from Mary Jane. Tobey Maguire: Whatever life holds in store for me...I will never forget these words, "With Great Power come Great Respnsibility." This is my gift. My curse. Who am I? I'm Spider-Man. MTV https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UM_Om0eH3A Wiz: Before we start off, there's a bit of an issue to cover. When this show was made, it wanted to market off the very successful Spider-Man film from Sam Raimi. This film was meant to be a sort of loose adaptation, and I mean ''very loose. So while some could see this as an alternate version of Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man, we will not include the feats from Sam Raimi's first Spider-Man film. ''Boomstick is heard running in screaming. Wiz: Boomstick, what did you do?! Boomstick: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IT WAS EXTREMELY VENOMOUS?! Wiz: I warned you plenty of time! Music cuts. There's a TV cut out effect. The screen cuts back 2 seconds later. Boomstick: Soooo...can we just pretend that didn't happen? Wiz: Let's...just get back to the analysis... Music resumes. Spectacular Ultimate Andrew Garfield Tom Holland Fight! Conclusion Category:Lonkitt Category:What-If? 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